“a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other the guardian of his/her solitude.”I pondered this as I sat next to my second couple in a row on my stop over flight from New York to Portland.
The first couple that accompanied on my flight from Boston to my stop over in JFK airport had been downright annoying, giggling and talking loudly. They couldn’t have been any older than 20, and from what I pieced together from observing the hard violin case they stored in the overhead compartment and eavesdropping on their hard-not-to hear conversation, they played music together. He was the violinist, she sang. I also overheard, in their playful bantering her tell him that she liked him as more than a friend. She grabbed her iPod back from him, put the headphones back on her ears, sat back in her seat and closed her eyes. He stopped for a second looking at her. They both laughed, which gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling. Unless this was some bizarre joke, something new and potentially exciting was happening in my row, right next to me. These are the kinds of situations that change people, make them reevaluate, inspire them and open their eyes to the world.
Ok, so maybe they weren’t that annoying. Maybe they were downright adorable and endearing. But I’m a little jaded, I guess. And sitting next to loud, coupley-types on an airplane… even if it is only a 45 minute ride gets a little under my skin, which brings us to couple number two.
Ok, so we got off to a bad start. The people I was about to spend the next 6 hours sitting next to all but yelled at me when they found me sitting in their window seat. This was an innocent oversight on my part, I had mistaken for 22C for 22A, the aisle seat, but the girl acted as if I was trying to mischievously get away with something. Or maybe that’s just her voice. At this point in my life I find it much easier to get through the day by giving people the benefit of the doubt, so we’ll just chock it up to an inherited abrasive vocal tone, I have enough to worry about and really, if you’re that mad about someone being in your seat, you deserve REAL problems. Anyhow, her partner was a cute, ponytailed, gypsy looking fellow who kind of reminded me of the cute ringleader and co-founder of my favorite burlesque sideshow, the Bindlestiff Family Cirkus. This made me think that maybe this couple isn’t so bad after all. Maybe they practice sword swallowing after dinner or throw knives at each other to blow off steam. At any rate, despite my bias, I really knew nothing about these people. We didn’t speak at all the entire plane ride, and what was more interesting to me was that they hardly spoke to one another.
He read, watched the Colbert Report and chomped on complementary blue chips. She.. Well, I don’t know what she was doing in her oh-so important window seat during those 6 hours. At one point, I couldn’t help but notice she used her drop down tray as a foot rest, which totally grossed me out because A. People eat on that and B. She was wearing flip flops and I have a weird annoyance with people that wear flip flops on airplanes and in busy public settings (like on public transportation… don’t ask why, even I don’t understand it). No words were exchanged, maybe at one point he offered her a blue chip- but that’s pretty much it. I instantly got judgmental and thought about how I want to be with someone I can TALK to. Maybe I was traveling alone, but how lonely it must be to sit next to someone your with and have nothing to say to them. I also watched body language, no thigh touching, not a snuggle or caress, nothing. I did observe a quick peck in the airport before we boarded, and perhaps they aren’t big PDA people. But, talking… how could they spend 6 hours next to one another and have nothing to talk about? Then I remembered that Rainer Maria Rilke quote I had recently stumbled upon. Maybe these 2 were acting as guardians of each other’s solitude? It’s a beautiful quote. To think of a significant other as your guardian in any respect is a beautiful thought, especially of something that doesn’t involve them, your individual solitude. And I’m pretty sure that’s what Rilke was getting at with that quote, in fact if you read on he continues to say;
“But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”
Back in May I was in downtown crossing in Boston and I remember observing this couple in a bagel shop. They were clearly “together,” yet through all of lunch neither spoke. I tend to see this as a bad sign. I remember writing in my diary and wondering if they were happy or in love. God, sometimes I can be so pretentious. But, I guess it stands out to me since what attracts me most to people and especially potential partners is the quality of conversation. Does this person give me good insight? Can I talk about my outlook and do they understand where I’m coming from even if they don’t necessarily agree? Can I be totally myself and be accepted? Can we be frank? Can we joke or not joke, knowing each other’s intentions? Can we travel together and not drive each other crazy, discuss arrivals and departures? Metaphorically? Do we both notice the ridiculous mustache on the man who cut in the security line? Can we talk about the ridiculous homeland security we just went through together? I guess this is stuff I might be interested in talking about on a plane, with a partner or otherwise… stuff that might come up on a 6-hour flight. But, maybe I’m just a motor mouth.
All I know is that I like talking and it would be hard for me to sit next to anyone, unless they were a stranger, for 6 hours without conversing at all. That is, unless, of course, I was exhausted or asleep or really out of sorts.
I like the thought of sitting quietly with a partner while they read and I craft. I am excited to think of us doing our separate projects and having stories of the day’s adventures and mishaps to share at the end of the day. I am as excited to think of sharing those adventures because we are both excited to do things together. It excites me to think of myself as being the person to be the guardian over someone’s solitude, to insure they have their time to themselves to be the best person they can be, to help facilitate quiet and freedom before the immense sky.
No comments:
Post a Comment